Some day I'm going to write a book. This is probably the most lofty goal I have set for myself. However, unlike running a marathon, I can actually see this goal being achieved. I love to write... but when it comes to my book, I just don't know what to write about. I often wake up in the middle of the night, or early in the morning with all kinds of wonderful ideas. But as I just explained to Leroy... ideas and thoughts do not stay in my head very long. (He was quick to voice his agreement with my assessment. Hmm.) So here I am at 5:45 on a Saturday morning (in which I had planned on sleeping in) sitting at my lap top... writing. The subject of my book is in question, but I have lots of ideas for titles. (I think that's probably supposed to work in the reverse order, but like I said, sometimes my brain is a little... shall we say... off.) People seem to like my kids, and we are often asked what we did as parents. When I tell my kids that they are only fabulous because I'm extraordinary, I tell them I'm going to write a book about it and call it.... "How to Raise Good Enough Kids." But secretly, I have a huge fear that one of them (or both) will get arrested for Grand Theft Auto on the morning my book is to be released. I don't want to jinx them.
I love a sappy love story. A good romance will keep me captivated for hours. Throw in a vampire and I'm hooked! But that's been done. (And some would say overdone.) I'm not imaginative enough to come up with a futuristic or adventure story. I'm not that creative. I have a hard time keeping up with someone else's imagination and they're doing all the work.
I woke up this morning thinking all of those issues were resolved. The idea was so profound, I could not ignore it. One of my favorite authors, Judy Blume (whom I recently discovered on Twitter - @judyblume) wrote a book called "Tales of a 4th Grade Nothing." I loved that book. And I'm inspired by it as an adult. Thanks to that book, I have a new working title for my book.
Are you ready?
"Tales of a Has Been 4th Grade Room Mother With Nothing."
I could write about the second life, transformative, reinvention that I've been enduring since 2009. It's been one hell of a ride. (And I mean HELL in the literal sense.) I wonder if people would be interested in knowing how an early 40's, dairyman's wife, stay at home mom transitions into a.... AND that's where I get stuck. Transitions into what? What am I becoming? And does the WHAT fall into line with what I WANT to become? Ok... now this is turning into a self help/therapy book. Where am I being called? Is my identity a mid 40s, working 2 1/2 jobs, supportive coach's wife, empty nester? (Gee, that sounds like fun... NOT!)
I don't know my own title.
Maybe this is what they're talking about when they say people need to "find themselves." I don't feel lost, but I 'm not quite comfortable with where I am. I don't think writing about who I WAS will do any good... for me or any reader. I have work to do. I know that now and I need to get to it. I'm not afraid, but I am anxious. I'm not very patient and so much of this re-invention stuff takes time. I have no doubt God has big plans for me. I just wish he'd let me in on the details.