I have readily admitted in this blog that high school football does not hold the same appeal to me that it once did. While I have tremendous admiration for the student athletes and coaches that commit so much time and energy to their endeavors it is just not the same without Sierra and Steel. With Sierra cheering and so close to the boys on the team... and of course watching my own son run up and down the field there was a time I was hypnotized. I still love watching my nephews play. But still, it's not the same. And I think I've figured out why. I'm no longer a participant, I am merely a spectator.
And that sucks.
I've never played a competitive sport and to be completely honest, I really don't get it. I do not have what it takes to put myself out there in front of God and everybody let alone try to prove that I'm better than someone else at something. Too much risk for me. Too investment and way too much responsibility to the team. Maybe it's merely a confidence issue for me, but I just don't see the attraction. When I think of these young men and women doing this work day after day, week after week, I am in awe. I am inspired. That's what used to make this fun.
But I live with, and hang around people who are passionate about this and I have to adapt. I'm tired of fighting it. I've got to figure out a way to get myself back in the game. I have to get invested again. I need to create a role for myself.
I experienced a real epiphany yesterday when a friend called me out on a snarky comment I made at a game on Thursday night. I'm so glad that he did because I realized I had been mocking the expressed enthusiasm and I know better. Hell, I've been there. I know what that thrill feels like. But since it's not MY game anymore, I've ridiculed those who are still in it and for that I am sorry. I've done it to Leroy and to others who pour their heart and soul into this work and I won't do it again. It was disrespectful and selfish. I know better and therefore I must do better.
I don't know how this story will end, but I think I'm headed in the right direction. Life lessons are humbling and I know I've got some work to do. I'm just thankful it's not too late.