Whoa! That title got your attention, didn't it! No. This is not an actual pregnancy update. I just wanted a title you'd notice. Since I've already poked the hornet's nest (with my Doing Christmas Right post) this week, I figured I might as well get something else off my chest before I move on to other topics. I am asking politely (for now, I may get irritated later) for everyone to please refrain from asking my daughter and son-in-law (and any other newlywed couple) when they are going to have children. (Or if she's already pregnant.) And please don't ask ME either! (As if I would know anyway!)
I expected Sierra to be bombarded by these questions. (People actually watch which beverages she's drinking for some kind of a sign! "Is that a glass of wine or is she only drinking water?") But I have to admit I'm a little shocked at the barrage of questions that have come my way. I cannot believe the number of people who have approached me since the wedding (it's only been a few weeks) asking if "it's" happened yet (these things do take time.)
I know these questions come with the best of intention (even with a sense of teasing) but when we do this (and I say WE because I have been guilty of it in the past) we may be adding stress and strain to an already personal subject. There are clearly three main reasons not to do it and they make perfect sense:
- The couple may not be able to HAVE children. Maybe they're trying and it just hasn't happened yet. (For whatever reason.) Our asking certainly isn't going to help matters move along more quickly.
- Maybe the couple doesn't WANT children! (Yes, sometimes that happens.)
- It's none of your damn business. (And it's not mine either.)
A friend (who struggled with infertility) told me that she announced at a family dinner that they had decided NOT to have children. (She surprised her husband with this proclamation because she didn't trust his reaction if he had tried to play along.) The best part is that it WORKED! No one ever asked about the issue again. (Sound advice for anyone who is facing the same kind of scrutiny.)
Now... A word to those of you reading this blog who HAVE said something to me in the last few weeks. I am NOT offended and it is not necessary to try to explain or apologize. Like I said, I've done this myself. I just have a new awareness of how intrusive it can be and I'm asking everyone else to be aware too.
NOTE: This blog post is strictly my own opinion and was not written on the request of my newlywed daughter and her husband. The picture is pulled from a free Google download.